It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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