i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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