My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
