their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
