he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
