I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
