he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
