there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
