Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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