I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
