It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
