scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just had sex on a roof
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
