i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
