I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
