I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
