mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
