This dress was meant to end up on your floor
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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