Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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