I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize