I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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