I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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