Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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