you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
