I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
