thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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