omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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