these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
