My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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