I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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