apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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