I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
