Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
