i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
