I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
