Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i now understand why vodka
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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