best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
