Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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