i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize