her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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