I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
