She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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