it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i wish my penis had a tongue
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So squirting runs in the family.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
