Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There r osticjed everywhere
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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