our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
