bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
