sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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