i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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