There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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