Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
