there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
