I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
