Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So much rum. So many feels.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
