I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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