at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
