Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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