Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
