I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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