No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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