Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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