I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize