he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize