Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
